I am human. I have the body of a human. A face of a human. A brain of human and a soul of a human. I do most of the things that humans do. They are nothing special, but I do not mind them. It is part of being human; you do things. Some things you will like, some thing you will not. But it is okay. You just keep doing things.
Some people like me, some people do not, but most people do not know me. But it's fine, really. It does not matter. It sometimes does though. It is part of being human, you want to be accepted. You want to be liked. It is like a loop of magnets where humans repel and attract in a synchronized energy field. Or like a puzzle really. I don't know.
I sometimes feel happy about the things I do. And sometimes feel bad too. But most of the time I feel neutral about things, because a lot of these things do not matter to me, but I try to believe that they do because I do not know what matters to me. Apart from the obvious things, of course. Like my family, for instance. It does matter to me because I like it. I like the people in it. I like being with them and I want to be for as a long as I can. Some other things matter too. Like the food I like because I enjoy eating it. But not like its absence would affect my state of being. Having it is pretty nice though.
I get hungry because I am human. I eat in the mornings, but nowadays I mostly do not. I like to wait for lunch, but I do not like how I eat too much because I am hungry then feel uncomfortable afterward. But I do not mind it very much. It's part of being human. I also get urges to take short trips from my room to the kitchen then the fridge, mostly in the evening when I have digested my lunch. I spend a lot of time in my room. Most of the time I do not find anything that I would feel like eating, but it doesn't irritate me that much. I used to like ordering out, but now I do not because it makes me feel like a worn-out rug after I eat the food. But I like it because it makes my brain slow down for a brief period of time.
I like my brain. I sometimes hate it because it gives me a hard time often, but I still like it. Some people say that I am smart, but it's just my brain, really. I sometimes fear getting judged by other people, but that is only one of the problems I have that my brain gives me a hard time over. I get obsessed with self-perception too at times, although I should not. But it's okay.
Like how some people say that I look like a psychopath maybe. I understand that because I keep a straight face most of the time so people do not usually know what I am thinking or feeling. I also do not talk much. I do like to talk, though. But I don't because it is one of the things that my brain gives me a hard time over too. Like how I should say things in the right time and say others at different times. I do not like that. I like saying stupid things at any time I want. Because it should not matter, really.
I sometimes think about the future of my life -- it occupies most of the capacity of my brain, actually. I do not know what is going to happen in it, but I am not concerned. I sometimes think of how I am going to die too. Like, maybe I am going to get murdered because I will run a lot of companies and will have a lot of enemies. Or maybe I will get a terminal disease in the next few months or years that will cause me to die. Or maybe I will live a long life and have a normal death, among people or completely alone. But I am not scared of it. It is fine because I know it is going to happen eventually.
Some people think I am strange because I do not cry when people die. I do not understand why that it necessary because I like to get over bad things quickly. But I understand that because people feel comfortable when they can identify with the people around them; so if they cry when people die, I should do too.
I sometimes like making jokes when I am with people. I like it when people laugh at them, not because it makes them happy, but because it makes me feel good about myself sometimes. I like to work too and I think I am good at it because I have done it a lot. But I do not know if it matters.
I get confused a lot when I think about the problems I have, but I should not because those problems are trivial compared to the problems other people have. I sometimes feel bad when that happens. But I learned that it is really okay.
I sometimes think about my childhood too. But I do not like to do that because it was a pretty plain childhood, really. It's okay though. I remember that I always wanted a cat when I was a child and then got one when I was a teen. He lived with me for 8 years but then died recently. I still have his daughter though whom I like too although she is pretty annoying. But I like her because I sometimes think that she would be the misfit in a group of cat friends, which I sometimes think I might be too among my friends.
I sometimes feel like I want to create things. Like this piece of writing I am typing, maybe. But then I do not feel anything when I do, that is why I do not do it much. Some people say expressionism is nice because it is relieving, but I do not feel that. But maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am wrong about many things. I know I am. But I like to admit that I am wrong when I know that I am. I do not understand why people do not like that, though. It is a really nice feeling - admitting that you are wrong, that is.
Some people say that they have a hard time understanding people. I do not know why though. I think people are very easy to understand. Although there are a lot of people that I do not like, I do not really hate anyone because they haven't caused me any harm. I do not like to cause harm to people either. I like to help people, actually.
I sometimes wonder if I deserve all the things I have, but I usually think that I do not. But it is okay, I think.
Some people say that things should have an end, no matter what that thing is, but I cannot find an end for this. There is a lot more that I could say, though.
So I think that this is all.
Some people like me, some people do not, but most people do not know me. But it's fine, really. It does not matter. It sometimes does though. It is part of being human, you want to be accepted. You want to be liked. It is like a loop of magnets where humans repel and attract in a synchronized energy field. Or like a puzzle really. I don't know.
I sometimes feel happy about the things I do. And sometimes feel bad too. But most of the time I feel neutral about things, because a lot of these things do not matter to me, but I try to believe that they do because I do not know what matters to me. Apart from the obvious things, of course. Like my family, for instance. It does matter to me because I like it. I like the people in it. I like being with them and I want to be for as a long as I can. Some other things matter too. Like the food I like because I enjoy eating it. But not like its absence would affect my state of being. Having it is pretty nice though.
I get hungry because I am human. I eat in the mornings, but nowadays I mostly do not. I like to wait for lunch, but I do not like how I eat too much because I am hungry then feel uncomfortable afterward. But I do not mind it very much. It's part of being human. I also get urges to take short trips from my room to the kitchen then the fridge, mostly in the evening when I have digested my lunch. I spend a lot of time in my room. Most of the time I do not find anything that I would feel like eating, but it doesn't irritate me that much. I used to like ordering out, but now I do not because it makes me feel like a worn-out rug after I eat the food. But I like it because it makes my brain slow down for a brief period of time.
I like my brain. I sometimes hate it because it gives me a hard time often, but I still like it. Some people say that I am smart, but it's just my brain, really. I sometimes fear getting judged by other people, but that is only one of the problems I have that my brain gives me a hard time over. I get obsessed with self-perception too at times, although I should not. But it's okay.
Like how some people say that I look like a psychopath maybe. I understand that because I keep a straight face most of the time so people do not usually know what I am thinking or feeling. I also do not talk much. I do like to talk, though. But I don't because it is one of the things that my brain gives me a hard time over too. Like how I should say things in the right time and say others at different times. I do not like that. I like saying stupid things at any time I want. Because it should not matter, really.
I sometimes think about the future of my life -- it occupies most of the capacity of my brain, actually. I do not know what is going to happen in it, but I am not concerned. I sometimes think of how I am going to die too. Like, maybe I am going to get murdered because I will run a lot of companies and will have a lot of enemies. Or maybe I will get a terminal disease in the next few months or years that will cause me to die. Or maybe I will live a long life and have a normal death, among people or completely alone. But I am not scared of it. It is fine because I know it is going to happen eventually.
Some people think I am strange because I do not cry when people die. I do not understand why that it necessary because I like to get over bad things quickly. But I understand that because people feel comfortable when they can identify with the people around them; so if they cry when people die, I should do too.
I sometimes like making jokes when I am with people. I like it when people laugh at them, not because it makes them happy, but because it makes me feel good about myself sometimes. I like to work too and I think I am good at it because I have done it a lot. But I do not know if it matters.
I get confused a lot when I think about the problems I have, but I should not because those problems are trivial compared to the problems other people have. I sometimes feel bad when that happens. But I learned that it is really okay.
I sometimes think about my childhood too. But I do not like to do that because it was a pretty plain childhood, really. It's okay though. I remember that I always wanted a cat when I was a child and then got one when I was a teen. He lived with me for 8 years but then died recently. I still have his daughter though whom I like too although she is pretty annoying. But I like her because I sometimes think that she would be the misfit in a group of cat friends, which I sometimes think I might be too among my friends.
I sometimes feel like I want to create things. Like this piece of writing I am typing, maybe. But then I do not feel anything when I do, that is why I do not do it much. Some people say expressionism is nice because it is relieving, but I do not feel that. But maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am wrong about many things. I know I am. But I like to admit that I am wrong when I know that I am. I do not understand why people do not like that, though. It is a really nice feeling - admitting that you are wrong, that is.
Some people say that they have a hard time understanding people. I do not know why though. I think people are very easy to understand. Although there are a lot of people that I do not like, I do not really hate anyone because they haven't caused me any harm. I do not like to cause harm to people either. I like to help people, actually.
I sometimes wonder if I deserve all the things I have, but I usually think that I do not. But it is okay, I think.
Some people say that things should have an end, no matter what that thing is, but I cannot find an end for this. There is a lot more that I could say, though.
So I think that this is all.
